Mother-in-law Troubles

I had my first baby 8 months ago and I know there’s tons I don’t know, but my MIL comments on basically everything-how long she naps for, how much she eats, that I hold her too much, that I should have used a coupon for diapers…I can go on and on! She lives about a 20 minute drive away and comes by several times a week. I’m all for people’s advice, but sometimes its just too much!!!

oh honey, i get it!!! firstly, politeness is key! I made that mistake early on and I feel like I’m still paying for it :roll_eyes:. Just say a nice “thanks for the tip” and then change the topic. Either take the advice or don’t, but if you don’t get all into it and move on, maybe shell get the hint? even if she doesn’t, you can secretly smile to what she says isn’t going to affect you anymore

Is this something you can speak to your husband about and ask him to speak with her? Maybe shed be receptive to the feedback if she knew how much it bothers you

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I hear you! My house is never clean enough and the dinners I serve could always have a healthier side dish…

Have you thought of setting boundaries? Like specific times she can come over (preferably when your husband is home!) it might feel uncomfortable in the beginning to make those changes, but in the long run it could really benefit the relationship

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I always feel like my MIL and my SIL are talking about me behind my back and my husband tells me its in my head. I think he just doesnt want to confront his mother-which I get, but it really hurts because I have a gut feeling that Im not wrong. The way Ive trained myself to deal with it is by acting like everything is fine-if I look annoyed all the time it won’t help anything and whatever issues they have with me they haven’t said out loud the last 5 years we were married or the two years we were dating.

could she just be trying to help? maybe if you’re accepting all her advice or look like you’re appreciative, she thinks you want her help with all those details :woman_shrugging:

your gut probably isn’t wrong, but is it possible that you’ve let it get to your head? Or do you think you could talk to either you MIL or SIL separately and privately and ask them if there’s any problem between you? Sometimes lack of communication can lead to a lot of misinterpretations

You are allowed to say thanks, but no thanks!!! In a nice way of course-you can tell her you appreciate the tips and acknowledge which you agree with, but mama, you need to do what you feel is best for you as a mom and for your baby girl. And if you say you disagree with something and she looks annoyed or says something that bothers you, just let it go and move on! no sense in starting fights over small things like this now. and maybe ask your husband that the next times he’s around and she makes a comment, he can be the one to say thanks, but no thanks. good luck! we’re here for you!

Wow! Thank you all for your responses. Some of you who suggested i tell her thanks but no thanks (nicely) are probably right-ive just never been a confrontational person. I need to develop more confidence in my own mommy skills i think

This is a tough one! Knowing my personality, I would probably say “thanks for letting me know” or “Interesting, I didn’t know that.” … and then I’d probably do whatever I wanted anyway :grin:

If it starts to become a real problem, then I do think you should talk about with your husband and come up with a solution together. Let us know how it goes! :slight_smile:

Our counselor had the best advice… husband needs to take the lead on dealing with his own mother. If wife does it, it backfires because it reinforces that husband will allow the bad behavior to continue. I tried many times and it would work for a short time. He took over, huge improvement.

was your husband receptive? because my husband is a bit passive when I mention it-i don’t want to start a fight with him over this-and will my MIL get more annoyed knowing I’m complaining to him about her? but you’re probably right that if he says it, it’ll probably be more effective

He wasn’t for years… when we finally started couples counseling, and the counselor told him (after building rapport and getting some trust established first), he actually did a few sessions one on one with the therapist and drafted a letter to give to his mom. Hearing it from an unbiased professional was so helpful. I hope that your husband is receptive to the idea.

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Hi! The struggle is real ! Bottom line is you are the mother !! Your gut is usually the way to go. Parenting doesn’t have a handbook that comes along with it and often times the conflicting advice that we get From others is overwhelming. You can thank Someone Politely and move on. A good rule of thumb for me has always been to follow the advice of only those people whose parent styles you’d like to emulate .

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